Your Child's Weight Isn't the Emergency. Here's What Matters First

Dr. Wendy: you've just been told that your child needs to lose weight. Here are the first three things to do. parents being bombarded with messages about their children's weight and they're trying to figure out what do I do? ⁓ What do I first? let's break it down ⁓ so that you know what to do and specifically how to avoid creating harm for your child. Maybe you were just at the doctor's office, an annual well visit where you walked in with zero concerns, or maybe you had a focused one where you wanted to chat about nutrition and growth. Heck, maybe you were just trying to enjoy Mother's Day dinner with your family, but either way, something was said, something that was said about your child's weight and how something needs to change, and you're reeling right now about what was said. somewhere in that flood, also something else. So you're feeling a whole lot of emotions right now, as well as a sense that you're failing, failing as a parent, failing to help, failing, well, maybe because you see your child struggling in ways that you have struggled over time as well. And this was the part that I heard time and again in the pediatric office. And what made me realize that I had to change my approach as a physician, as well as as a mother. And so I want to say this loud and clear because I felt it too. You are not failing. It's our approach that's failing. And you, by the way, parent listening, parent joining me right now, you are the way forward. You're the one who makes sure that this approach doesn't hurt your child. So let's take these one at a time together. step number one, ⁓ down. I know your brain is ⁓ ⁓ my gosh, all over the place right now. ⁓ fear, there's worry, there's everything else that comes to the surface with your own history, with weight, your own eating habits, your own struggle with body, let alone all of the day-to-day stress ⁓ is all around your family. So let's start there. ⁓ Welcome to Family in Focus. I'm Dr. Wendy Schofer, the pediatrician helping parents lead meaningful change without harm. Here we focus on the connection and practical shifts help families thrive at every size. Let's get started. Amidst all of the stress, there is no quick fix. There's no quick fix. It's not even saying that you have to fix your child's weight. There is no speed needed here. In fact, the rush, well, is exactly what leads to the backfiring and to the harm. We need to slow it down first. Take a breath. Yeah, right there, right here with me. Absolutely. That rush of feelings, the fear, the shame, the worry, it's all normal. It's all normal. And it's the sign that, well, you need a moment, a moment to take a breath, to regulate yourself and to remember nothing has changed. Nothing. Nothing has changed from the moment before you heard those words to the second after those words were said to you. It's really critical to slow down and take that breath because all of these emotions make us want to fix this fast. We want to feel better. We want to know that our kids are going to be okay. But fast is where control creeps in, where the pushback starts and harm is seeping into your family. It's the harm of control and restriction and diet culture front and center. And that harm impacts your child's relationship with food and their body and with you. Slowing down, it gives you the one thing that you actually need right now. A moment to settle your nervous system and to understand what's really going on. That brings us to step number two. curious. And I'll go first. I'm curious about something, but I'm curious about everything. Okay. I want to know so much more about your family, your life, your environment, the patterns of your lives. Just because someone puts the focus on a number on the scale or where your child is landing on a growth curve, that does not mean that that's where the work is or where all of the focus has to go. Honestly, you know, we don't directly change the numbers on the scale. can't go in and just dial it in. Inconceivable. Numbers on a scale also do not define health. It's really just the tip of the iceberg. It's just a bit of information. What's really mattering is what's underneath that tip of the iceberg. And in the case of when we're talking about weight, when we're talking about body size, what's underneath is really looking so much more about those patterns that we get to get curious about. The behaviors, the relationships, there is so much more to your child, to you, to your family than just what a number depicts or where, you know, there's a dot on a growth curve. And the usual approach, the one that zooms in on fixing weight, fixing food, fixing bodies, isn't working. ⁓ never worked for us. There's big surprise that it's not working for our children either. So it's time to do something different for our kids. Getting curious. Well, I that as ⁓ the move really help us see ⁓ much bigger ⁓ So instead of focusing just on the numbers, just on the scale, just on the body, getting curious helps us see the bigger picture of the whole child in the context of the whole family, the whole environment, which really brings us to step number three. choose your focus. ⁓ So we focus on numbers, it's natural that, well, when we're talking about weight, start focusing on losing weight. We want the number to change. And again, we want it to change pronto, like right now. And that's why restriction control and all this weight management stuff have been the go-to. We're like, let's make changes so that we can see the impact of those changes now. But we actually miss the thing that's creating those numbers in the first place. relationships. Now, relationships are already operating in the background. Okay, this is not something that's brand new. You already have active relationships going on. And notice how restriction, control, and management actually mess with the relationships that we have right now with our food, with our bodies, and with each other. Now, I hear a lot of times from folks where they talk about If you can't measure it, it doesn't exist. I mean, that's like a mantra in our culture. And I think that's where a lot of us get stuck because really that's diet culture talking about thinking that we have to measure and have numbers about our health. The truth is, It's not that we've been ⁓ failing to measure. It's just that we've been, ⁓ well, measuring the wrong ⁓ Psychological health exists. ⁓ Connection exists, personal relational growth. Those exist too. just don't put on a chart. We don't have numbers to assign to them. ⁓ And so we act like they don't. count. They most definitely count. They're just harder to measure than a number on a scale. our culture is reaching for the familiar one. So it's time to shift our focus away from the number goals toward what it is that we actually want to build together. And I offer that that's healthier, stronger, lasting relationships with food. with our bodies and yes, as always, with each other first. And so that's why I specialize in this, helping you shift the focus to the relationships that your family can share at every size, every age for lasting health. I want to be really clear about this. How you respond right now is really critical. And not just for the next few weeks after hearing these comments or recommendations or prescriptions for your child and their weight. Not just while your child is watching how well the adults around them react to a number, but for years to come for the relationships that they will have with their food and their body and you long after this appointment, after this conversation is a memory. You get to set the tone starting right now. If you're ready to learn more, let's talk about what's possible for your family. Come find me at and Focus. The links for the are in the show notes. ⁓ That's where are ⁓ leading change the harm. ⁓ And of there's ⁓ no diagnosis needed, no insurance, ⁓ no referrals. really just saying, I wanna learn more. And so you will be able to find out about you know, joining the exhale. Of course, that's the name of my newsletter where you can join the community and continue to learn and grow with your family, with the habits that you want to see. You can also learn so much more about what it looks like for you and I to work together one-on-one and you can get more information on the website about hopping on a consult call with me. All right, I'll be right here and I'll see you again. in the next episode.