You Don't Need Another Meal Plan: What Actually Creates Change

Dr. Wendy: You might not actually need a nutritionist. To be honest, that's not what most families need when they're worried about their children's weight and eating habits. And today we're gonna talk about the misconception that all you need is someone to tell you what to eat. And I mean, let's just spoiler, they've been doing that the whole darn time. that's the thing that really want to highlight. family and focus is not A nutrition program. When I hear families describe my services as nutrition, red flags go up. Why? ⁓ Well, because ⁓ everyone is already telling you what to what to your kids. ⁓ And that's not really getting us anywhere. ⁓ So think for a moment how mac and cheese, dino nuggets, whatever your kids' food of choice is right ⁓ Think about how that works right now for your family. How the candy raids that you just find the evidence, you know, with the candy wrappers under the bed, how that's working for your child right now. And so if we want to understand how to change it without the harm of diets and restriction and food fights, we need to understand more about how it's working, why it's working, and what's going on behind the scenes without just saying you gotta control that. So let's slow it down. What I'm noticing is that there's a pattern. We keep focusing on the food and entirely missing the relationships that we have in our homes. Yes, with our food and with each other. We all use food as a solution. It's an answer for something, whether it's for hunger, maybe it's a Coping mechanism. Maybe we're using it as a solution when we want to be distracted. And then when you just switch out the food, control the food, you haven't actually answered what's the problem that the food's been fixing this whole time. You actually just create more Because now you're down a coping strategy. You've been using something really effectively, and now you're like, now what? What am I supposed to do? And what's really happening is something emotional, and that's really the part that we've been missing the whole time. So what we're gonna do today is look at three things that people tell you about nutrition and what you actually need to do to be able to create the changes that you want to see. So number one, I could simply tell you to stop serving mac and cheese. Just don't do it. Don't do it anymore. ⁓ Welcome to Family in Focus. I'm Dr. Wendy Schofer, the pediatrician helping parents lead meaningful change without harm. Here we focus on the connection and practical shifts help families thrive at every size. Let's get started. Well, the bigger question is what are you going to do when your child melts down because their favorite food is poof gone? That meltdown that inevitably happens, it makes sense. When a child has a favorite and then it's gone, it feels like their freedom just got pulled away. Their freedom is restricted. And of course, They know how to let you know about it. There's actually a name for this. So it's called psychological reactance. You don't have to get into all of the specifics of it, but just know that it's a natural, automatic, defensive mechanism. It's a defensive reaction to feeling like your freedom is threatened. you feel pressured or what to do, ⁓ and want to do the exact opposite, even when the advice ⁓ is for Think about that that everybody told you that you should get away from. Yeah. And it made you want to hang out even more. ⁓ It's ⁓ normal be about the scarcity of what it is that we want. So number two, could tell you, just serve fresh cooked meals. No fast food. But ⁓ life ⁓ really at end of the day when you are simply spent exhausted. You just want, need ⁓ something to be on table now. Something to keep them out of the pantry. ⁓ To create some peace and quiet. You also have to address your own exhaustion, your own desire for convenience. are real needs. And keeping us from the changes that we want to see because of course ⁓ we something that feels better ⁓ now, now. And making that home cooked meal isn't always. What's gonna happen right now? So, number three, ⁓ I could tell you ⁓ stop chocolate on your drive Or even better, here you go, ⁓ swap it out for something healthy, like carrots. ⁓ As if you haven't already thought that. And then you wonder why you're right back to eating the chocolate once again. part that we've been missing is ⁓ why we turn to ⁓ the chocolate or whatever your food of choice is in the first place. And often before you even notice that you're doing it. This is where we get to really understand where the chocolate is the default. For me it was always hard pretzels in the car. That was the default. Or for your child why mac and cheese is the default. Understanding why we turn to that As adults, as well as with our children, really makes it something so that we can create changes by understanding what the food is addressing in the first place. So is the part where we really get stuck. We think that if we just control the food, well, we fix the problem. But families can have wonderful, balanced meals. ⁓ could have good portions, they can have Great movement on a regular basis, locked on. ⁓ children still be growing on the upper side ⁓ of the curves. Their food doesn't need to change. They don't need to go ⁓ to ⁓ to about nutrition ⁓ to be to change their food. ⁓ They need us. ⁓ need as parents, as adults, to change our approach. And a big part of it, a huge part, is that we stop focusing on the food to control it. Start looking at the big picture, namely why we use food the way that we do. So to give nod to some of my very favorite people in the world. Dieticians. Registered dietitians are experts ⁓ in nutrients composition. ⁓ They have real tools that help families understand nutrition and growth daily requirements, ⁓ monthly, like they have ⁓ a wealth of expertise. And is emotions and behaviors, the stress, the relationships. Understanding those, ⁓ bringing all together, ⁓ that's we create change without harm. That's how we create change. If you're realizing that you want more help applying this in your own family, that's exactly why Family and Focus exists. ⁓ check out the show notes and find out more about the Family and Focus program as well as my spots that opening up next month. ⁓ And hey, remember, while I'm a doctor. I'm not your doctor. This podcast is for education, not for medical advice. Take what fits, leave what doesn't, and be gentle with yourself as you lead change without harm for your family.