The Best Thing to Say When Your Child Criticizes Their Body

Dr. Wendy: Your child mumbles underneath their breath. I hate my cheeks. ⁓ themselves in the mirror ⁓ time they pass. ⁓ they come home and say, I want a flatter belly. What do you do? And today we're going to address all the questions that come up when your child doesn't like their body. What do you do? do you say? How do you help without creating harm? All right, let's dive right in. First, take a breath. Take a breath. today is not for the faint of heart. It's really Really hard to be a kid right now ⁓ in fast-paced world. It it's all about visual comparisons. are non-stop. ⁓ So many and everyone ⁓ is telling How to change. They're all marketing a fix ⁓ experience, for how you're feeling, how ⁓ looking. Kids are being bombarded with this. And so of those messages are specifically targeting the body and the appearance. So, how do you as a parent help without harm? Well, if you've been around family and focus for just a little bit. You know that the first thing that we do is to slow down. Slow down. You see, our our culture it it demands ⁓ we well take quick action, that we do these responsive things. It's kind of like this push-go type of thing. And actually ⁓ kind reinforcing or relying on the patterns that we know all too well. But those Patterns often sound like diet culture. you know, so ⁓ you found yourself thinking, my child is now about how they appear. They're concerned about their body. ⁓ Maybe this is how open a conversation about their eating habits or about their weight, because maybe you're ⁓ side-eyeing, maybe concerned as Or you're thinking, well, ⁓ no, is this the start of a disordered relationship that my child will have with their body? So things first, I want to invite you to just take a moment for you to calm the swirl of ⁓ the questions ⁓ go through your head. Maybe all the quick fixes. None this is helping anything right now. ⁓ Welcome to Family in Focus. I'm Dr. Wendy Schofer, the pediatrician helping parents lead meaningful change without harm. Here we focus on the connection and practical shifts help families thrive at every size. Let's get started. And when you're ready, so taking a pause first, love a breath, it's why my newsletter is called the exhale. Okay? It's all fitting together. When you're ready, there are only two things that need to do. Two things. One, get curious, two, just receive. So ⁓ one, ⁓ get curious. What is your child thinking, hearing, feeling? While may sound like a whole lot of well questions, it actually comes down to just one thing. Just looking for clues, getting curious. What is my child experiencing? And I challenge you to just take a guess. Take a guess. ask them. What are you experiencing? What are you thinking? What are you feeling ⁓ my God, this is not an Inquisition. Take a guess. But the thing is that your child may have already given you some clues. They may have already been side eyeing themselves. They may have already said to you, I don't like my body. Just say three simple words. Tell me more. Tell me more. Those words are powerful because they're not about creating an inquisition and like you have to, you know, what, what's going on, all these different questioning words. It's just saying, hey, tell me more. Tell me what's going on. And the second part, after you've curious, is to just receive. Receive the clues that are right there in front of you. Whether it's what you notice or perhaps what they're telling you, just receive. okay, ⁓ not fix. ⁓ When they ⁓ that they are the biggest kid in their class, tell me more. When they say that they don't like their thighs, tell me more. Or simply just listen. Just listen. How often we talk about being present as a parent, but that isn't just for the good times. isn't this big kumbaya, like let's just all hang out together. ⁓ really for the times ⁓ our kids are in pain, when they're uncertain, when they're sharing that they dislike themselves. Being present means ⁓ down. Slowing down gosh, bringing in a ⁓ silence. in like like a trusted partner ⁓ who says, you say, here. I'm here through it all. You don't even have to say those words ⁓ being there, your presence says ⁓ all. Now, ⁓ some people to change their child's mind. Of course. ⁓ We want poke holes ⁓ in ⁓ self-image they have that sounds so very painful and so critical. We want to make them happy. It's too soon for that. In fact, trying to argue with your child's experience, ⁓ gosh, it makes them feel unsafe to share what they're well really experiencing. That doesn't help them or you build connection. Connection. Yeah, that's everything. It it sounds like a vague concept. it's just because we haven't practiced making it tangible. And it's exactly what we need so much of right now. It starts with receiving whatever it is that your child is experiencing, it is that they have to share, whether it's or not. And I know you want more. Listen, we're going to keep exploring this ⁓ within the podcast. And if you feel like you need more support now, that is why family and focus exists. So check out the show notes to learn how we can work together pronto. But in the meanwhile, have tools, you your presence, ⁓ you your silence. ⁓ You building connection and relationships with your child right now. So this ⁓ is work. This is how you create change without harm in your home. So we're gonna keep on going. Now remember, while I'm a physician, I am most definitely not your physician. Family and focus is for educational purposes and social emotional skill building for family members of all ages and sizes. Keep your doc and tell them about family and focus while you're at it. then Take what fits, leave what doesn't, and remember, you're leading change without harm in your home right here, right now. You are in the right place. I'm so glad to be here with you.