Dr. Wendy: Would you give your eight-year-old the keys to the car? Hey, go move around the block. you let a three-year-old plan the meals for your week? No? same. Absolutely. ⁓ So we're talking about raising independent, healthy kids. ⁓ And the kid who's yelling at you, ⁓ You're the boss of me? Actually needs to be exactly that. Yeah. ⁓ So as a pediatrician, In practice now for 22 years. ⁓ my goodness, we need to talk about normal development. So, of all, wanting to be the boss is normal. want to be the boss. They want their voice to be heard. They want their desires known ⁓ and, catered to. Absolutely, don't we all? It's developmentally that they'll let you know well exactly what they think and how they feel. Which includes disappointment, frustration, irritation, anger, all of it. That doesn't mean that they're ready to make all the decisions, or that you need to make all of your decisions about making them feel a certain way. They do not get to decide that we're gonna have a charcuterie board of chocolates and chippies every night, mac and cheese with every meal. They need guardrails. sometimes we call them boundaries. ⁓ I think of it as ⁓ structure, as a framework. So the second thing you need to know is that kids thrive within ⁓ and framework. Now it doesn't mean that they're going to tell you that they love it, ⁓ ⁓ is what need in order to thrive. It's what really helps. Classrooms so well for kids. It's why kids do so well within classrooms. ⁓ kids are looking forward to ⁓ repetition, to the routine, the expectations, knowing well how adults will respond. They learn to trust ⁓ our ⁓ and responses. That's really important for them. And there's part that's really easy to miss. ⁓ So a kid who knows where your line is also learns where theirs is. ⁓ ⁓ not ⁓ that's that's created to contain children. It's something that's created to teach them how to have their own boundaries. ⁓ So to have their own yes ⁓ and own no. And so if you can hear ⁓ Welcome to Family in Focus. I'm Dr. Wendy Schofer, the pediatrician helping parents lead meaningful change without harm. Here we focus on the connection and practical shifts help families thrive at every size. Let's get started. In the language here, this is where we're planting the seeds for kids developing bodily autonomy. That's where you're not the boss of me eventually grows into the boss of me. What we want all of our kids ⁓ be able to stand up ⁓ to be able to say when they are facing different pressures, when they are facing different situations, and we want them to be strong, independent. Individuals. the third part that we all have to remember is that the meltdown that our kids are gonna have, the meltdown is not the problem. ⁓ if you're thinking my is ⁓ not my no to mac and cheese, in fact melting down over it, well you're just observing their disappointment, their frustration ⁓ in living Being calm and not melting down yourself, which is a real practice, by the way, that's ⁓ they're looking for. That's what they're depending on. how we signal safety to them. We're creating a safe space so that can experience their emotions, even melt down over them, ⁓ and it's They are safe. When kids feel unsafe, well. They turn to other things for safety. And often we look at food. We turn to food for reassurance. this is a part of why we're seeing more disordered eating right now. Kids are experiencing a lot, a lot their environment, in their world, a lot of disruption. ⁓ And so are looking for control, autonomy, safety. And through absolutely fault of own. They're growing up in a dysregulating world. So how can you help? right. Thanks for asking. It's about equipping yourself. You know, have the tools to be the calm in the storm. To be the calm in your kids' storm. ⁓ my goodness. No, it's not quite being the I in the storm, but just being a calm. Taking a few moments. even a breath activate your parasympathetic nervous system. That that's the calming side of your house. ⁓ ⁓ also about able to tag in help so that you can tag out when you need it most. Because you can't be expected to be the calm presence all the time. You're human too. You have a roller coaster too, ⁓ where, know, the roller coaster of emotions that kids are on, well Sometimes we need to be able to express and we need to just tag out be able to say, you know what, I I need somebody else here. And other thing you can do is to name what you're feeling out loud. Whew, I'm really overwhelmed. That helps you the emotion as just kind of like, ⁓ this is what's going on right now. ⁓ also models ⁓ emotional regulation that your kids are slowly learning ⁓ developing. So ⁓ you're ready to focus more on building lifelong relationships with food and body and especially each other for your family, that's exactly why family and focus exists. So you can learn more about working together on the website and in the show notes. imagine for a moment. Imagine if the next time your kid yelled, ⁓ not the boss of me, you didn't flinch. You you stayed the calm. You held the framework, the structure. ⁓ they learned ⁓ meltdown at a time that your no ⁓ safe enough to trust. that you're not going anywhere. You're still gonna be there with them no matter what they're experiencing. That's a kid who's growing up learning how to create and set their own boundaries as well. ⁓ my goodness, the work we do ripples to them. Hey, remember, well, I'm a physician. I am most definitely not your physician. So ⁓ the podcast Family and Focus is for education and for social emotional skill building purposes. My goodness. Please keep the relationship that you have with your physician and tell them about family focus while you're at it. And So love to you and your family. Remember, take what fits, ⁓ leave doesn't, and you are the parents. You are parent. Leading change and without