5 Ways to Build Real Connection With Your Child

Dr. Wendy: It's time we talk about what connection really means. say it all the time. Connect with your kids so that you'll get to better health. ⁓ ⁓ really taken this sideways ⁓ we hear that and we turn connection into a tactic, ⁓ thing that we do to kids ⁓ to a result ⁓ out them. You know, like connect so that they'll eat better. Connect so they'll Lose weight, but connection was never a transaction. It's not the tool that you use to make change happen. Connection is the change. And once you get there, ⁓ every door opens. ⁓ every parent nods and ⁓ Yes, ⁓ connection, relationships. Of this what I want. Because I don't want the diets, the restriction, the ⁓ shame, the food fights. ⁓ want connection. ⁓ And you have no idea about what that actually looks like when you're standing in your kitchen at six o'clock ⁓ going, connection? What am I to do here? All right. So let's dive in. we're gonna get really granular because this whole connect with your kid ⁓ is ⁓ lovely advice. And it's also if nobody tells you what it really looks like. So I'm gonna give you five ways to actually connect, to understand their eating habits, and to start creating change without harm in your home. Five ways. Number one, take a breath. And maybe another one. There's a huge reason I always start here with the pause, with the breath, with you. Our lives are running a million miles an hour, and so much of what we do, for better or for worse, is on autopilot. The breath disrupts the autopilot, it connects with what's Welcome to Family in Focus. I'm Dr. Wendy Schofer, the pediatrician helping parents lead meaningful change without harm. Here we focus on the connection and practical shifts that families thrive at every size. Let's get started. Actually, going on behind the scenes when the autopilot is turned off. It gets you ready for everything else. One is your breath. Number two, get curious. curious about what's going on behind the food. Start receiving information, ⁓ the food itself, ⁓ what's going on behind it. So What is your child actually experiencing right now? What's happening at home, with their friends, at school, with their sleep? The food is almost never the full story. It just happens to be the thing that you can see. So number two, get curious. What else? What else? Number three, whoo, ask yourself the million-dollar question. How is it that the food is making something better for them? catch the judgment when it jumps in there, like, yeah, but it's worse for their health. ⁓ somehow or another, current approach to food, to eating habits ⁓ is working them. ⁓ Is food giving them something to do when they're bored? Maybe ⁓ it's them company when they feel alone, a distraction when they feel bad. Food is doing a job. Your job is to figure out what the job is that food is doing. So it's connecting with their experience. What is going on here? Number four, ask what they really need. So if food is filling a need, then Well, yeah, by definition, there's a need underneath it. what is it that they are really needing when they feel lonely? When they are ⁓ searching for a distraction, do they need? Perhaps it's ⁓ connection as in companionship. Maybe it's rest, a break, somebody to notice them. Once you can see the real you're not fighting the food anymore. You're ⁓ answering the thing that the food standing in for. And then number five, run ⁓ one small experiment. What's ⁓ one thing you could try to build connection with your child? Not an overhaul, ⁓ but Really it it's about creating a small experiment to just meet them where they are. That is the ultimate in connection. Being right there where someone is without telling them that they need to change, without telling them that they have to come on over here, change their view, meet them where they are first. So notice that not one of these five is about the food. Not the portions, the the plate, the number on the scale. And notice this too. Four of the five, those start with you. Your breath, your curiosity, your question, your noticing. That's the part that we're getting backwards when we think that connection is transactional. We think that connection is something we go and do to our kids to fix them. But it starts By connecting to yourself first, to your own body, to your own needs, your own relationships. You get connected and then you start creating the change that you want in your own life, building the relationships that you want. And then you turn around and you can invite your child to come join you in it. It's a beautiful, beautiful process. that is connection so it's not a thing that you do to get a result it's you changing and opening the door and then saying come on let's do this together whew that's what actually opens every single door to health and to new habits and to change without harm your kids feel that difference they feel it fast it's a ripple that reaches them not them having to change. So we keep building all of this here at Family in Focus. And if you want help doing this in your own home, that's exactly why I'm here. So check out the show notes about how to work together more in depth. And remember, while I am a doctor, I am most definitely not your doctor. So this podcast is for education, not medical advice. Take what fits, leave what doesn't, and be gentle with yourself as you lead change without harm in your family.