4 Ways to Show Up for Your Child When Diet Culture Sneaks In

Dr. Wendy: Welcome back. now we're going to focus on really happens when diet culture gets to your kid, because ⁓ we need to be prepared for this. It does get to our children. And by the time that parents are realizing it, ⁓ the messages are already there ⁓ and shaping how child is thinking about food, about their body and about themselves. So ⁓ let's just put the brakes on for the moment and just say this is not a reason to panic. It's really something that we can equip ourselves as parents with the tools to be able to support us and our children. So we're going to create a plan for what to do in those moments to better support you and your child. So today we're going to be going through a number of things to keep an eye out for, but also very specifically for things to do. let's consider what absorbing diet culture can look like for your child. ⁓ this isn't always ⁓ ⁓ consider a few different options here. ⁓ it's a child who doesn't want to wear a bathing suit anymore, ⁓ shares ⁓ a quiet moment that they want a flat tummy or they want to stop growing. Maybe it's, ⁓ man, the seven year old who's like going off about good foods and bad foods with so much conviction and you're like, is this good or is this something of concern? maybe it's a kid who ⁓ okay on the surface, but ⁓ noticed that they started skipping meals. Another option is that sometimes ⁓ will start eating everything in sight the moment that the pressure is ⁓ and other eyes are not watching. ⁓ just trying to see what kind of patterns are you detecting. Sometimes it's the child who heard one comment from one person, whether it's a coach, a friend, a grandparent, a neighbor, someone at the doctor's office, and built a whole story about their body around it. It's amazing. It's so amazing. You know, well, it seems like our kids have a really hard time listening to the things that we want them to hear. They are... amazingly able to receive subtle comments, to pick up on them and use them often in ways that stick for painful let's talk about what doesn't work. The that most parents have, ⁓ and it comes from a very good place, ⁓ is correct the message directly. If you want to see change in your child's eating habits without pressure, constant mealtime battles, or the shame you grew up with, you're in the right place. Welcome to Family in Focus. I'm Dr. Wendy Schofer, the pediatrician helping parents lead meaningful change without harm. Here we focus on the connection and practical shifts that help families thrive at every size. Let's get started. saying you're not fat, you don't need to diet. That's not true what so and said to you. Direct contradiction usually doesn't with kids. who have already internalized something, they've already made it mean something about themselves. This can backfire because now they're defending the belief to you, which makes it stick even more. another that is ⁓ often ⁓ is not gonna talk about diets in this house. And while that can sound like creating a boundary, in your house so that diet stay outward. It's creating more of a wall than a bridge to connect with your child about what it is that they are experiencing outside the confines of your house. just noticing that these messages ⁓ ⁓ know, still coming in from everywhere else. ⁓ just removing yourself from the conversation. If you're saying that's not what we're talking about here. What does work? Let's break these down ⁓ one at a time. ⁓ number one, Address your own stuff first. And I'm saying this with so much love, this is the step that parents want to skip because we want to do everything for our children and we're kind of like pushing aside the stuff that we're carrying. And that's why it's the most important one. What do you believe about bodies, specifically about your own, about your weight, about... food, about the relationships that you already have. What did you absorb growing up that you're really trying to prevent your child from experiencing? You don't have to be perfect. This is just a moment to have some honesty, first of all, with yourself. that's being reflected in the conversations with your kids because they're how you talk about your own body, ⁓ at as much as they're listening to the words that you're saying. There's number two curiosity goes so far when your child says something that is setting off alarm bells, you know, I'm fat. can't eat that. So and so said my lunch was gross. curious before you try to correct their perspective or to correct what happened in the moment. Things that you can say something as easy as tell me more about that. What did that feel like? Even where did you hear that? What else? not agreeing with what they're saying. You're actually just opening the door to gather more information and also letting them know this is a safe place. Bring whatever is going on. I want to hear more. ⁓ I to know more. ⁓ I invite you to share about the experience that you've had and that means They'll keep bringing it. So get ready because this is actually a really good thing for them to continue to come to you bringing these heavy things that they are experiencing. reflect before you fix. ⁓ let's be honest. Our reflex is to want to change what we've heard to ⁓ when child is saying something so harmful and painful about their own body ⁓ to to how they're perfect, to tell the bully where to go, but instead reflect. That sounds hard. People can be so mean. don't understand why anyone thinks that healthy has a look. This is counterintuitive because we want to fix, ⁓ what we're doing here is slowing down ⁓ sitting with, ⁓ exactly where your child is right now in pain. ⁓ confused it sends a message to them that they don't need to change to be loved. You're going to be there with them through the discomfort and it's not about fixing that experience. ⁓ ⁓ and growing through it. And then number four, get support when you need it. If your child is showing signs of a disorder relationship with food, so restrictions, significant anxiety around eating, thinking bodies so much that it disrupts their normal life and activities, ⁓ that's that's beyond parenting strategies that we're working through here within Family and Focus. Please make an appointment with your physician to discuss further. Trust your gut. You know your kid. So you're in it now for a long game. You can't undo every message that your child has received, not the goal. But what we're really working on is the goal of being the most consistent, trustworthy voice in their life when it comes to their body, their relationships. And let's recognize that this isn't about being louder than diet culture in volume. because let's, ⁓ my gosh, diet culture is pounding everywhere. It's more about being louder in the strength of relationship, in creating safety, in really creating a history of working together. oftentimes that is built not in volume, but in silence, ⁓ listening, in the quiet moments, in connection. It is built slowly ⁓ it... holds. often parents feel like they're not doing ⁓ when they're actually doing the most important thing, creating connection with a child who is struggling. they get to learn in those moments that they don't have to change to be loved and accepted. And that is the healthiest thing that we can do as parents. if you're finding that you want to make changes at home ⁓ your child is resisting the healthy changes that you're trying to make, fighting at the table, refusing new foods, melting down over those new foods, ⁓ exactly what we're going to be talking about in the next episode because resistance ⁓ is its own thing. So much fun. And once you understand where that resistance is coming from, you've got a very different set of tools to work with. So I'll see you over there next. Now remember, while I'm a doctor, I am not your doctor. These conversations, they're all for education, not for medical advice. what fits, leave what doesn't, and be gentle with yourself because you are leading the change. that you want to see for your whole family.